Immense Sadness Because You Are Leaving.
I somehow stopped thinking about you these days, but I learned that you are leaving, and I might never see you again. I am emotionally overwhelmed now, and I am writing down my emotions.
For You…
We were never so close from the world’s perspective, but when I stared into the mirror, I saw us in my eyes. I felt so close and attracted to you a long ago, but the circumstances have changed. I thought you were going in some other direction, that you had some pain in you; as much as I wanted to help you, I couldn’t because we were not close, from your and the world’s perspective. Also, someone else was much closer to you, and I just hoped they supported you in your journey. Still, I never stopped trying, but I need to now.
Whenever you asked me for help, I was happy and ready to help. I patiently waited to help you out. Most of the time, you just didn’t show up, and it broke me up. I am not sad about it now; I just wanted to let you know.
When you were near my home to meet someone else, I wanted to meet, talk, and have fun with you, but I was scared, and it stopped me. But I somehow showed the guts to call you and see you. I love to dance, and that day when you asked me to dance, I couldn’t. Because I wanted to dance with you and only you, and I was also scared to show my other side to you, thinking maybe you wouldn’t like it.
I still remember our first hug and the feeling of it. I saw you and tried to ignore you because you were with your friends, and I didn’t want to get awkward there. But when we noticed each other, I moved my hand toward you for a handshake as usual, but you suddenly hugged me. That was the best time at this university. The other time I remember was when I sat with you and your friends to have lunch, and while leaving, we were doing some shakehand tricks, and suddenly, you gently amicably slapped me, and you ran away from there. And I can never forget that touch.
After all this, I wanted to convey my feelings to you but could never because I thought someone else was in your life. I couldn’t even talk about my feelings to my best friend because I thought he was the one. He also mentioned to me once that he had feelings for you because you met much before I came in and were close. I never wanted to ruin any relationship that we had. And I never had the guts to move ahead with you because I also cared a lot about my friend and didn’t want to hurt him.
After all this, I learned today that you are leaving, and I got this news from the same friend. I am unsure if you were ever planning to tell me this, but it’s okay; I made peace with it, or maybe not. I am shaken right now, but I wish you the best. I might not get a chance to tell you this, but I hope the universe will make this reach you someday.
You will be missed deeply. It’s a secret love story that only I knew.
Please don’t leave yet, My heart isn’t satiated yet…
